| May. 9th, 2005 @ 07:28 pm (no subject) |
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Never have I taken since a long, hot bath and slept such a long time. I sat in the bathtub until the water turned ice cold and the water was a mixture of water and the blood that stained my body. I am pretty sure tears also keep the tub full and colder. I realized that that even if the tears are hot going down your cheeks once somewhere else they are cold...I wonder why...
Once my head hit the pillow I fell asleep for about twenty hours considering I just recently woke up.
Now, I understand that when I made the choice to become a shinobi that I would be used as a tool for killing but never...never did I think I would have to kill when I am still this young; when I am still a genin! I never thought I would have to see anyone, a comrade, die when I am this age but now I have. I suddenly feel alot older though. Seeing so many things at such a young age...
I just felt so weird even if it was an enemy I had killed someone. If I really think on it, it was empowering feeling...I enjoyed it. I explained it to my mother and she told me she understood and often had the same feeling. It is just the feeling of you holding the weapon, knowing you slit their throat and you made them bleed, you made them suffer. Though I do not want it to happen again anytime soon (I have to say anytime soon for I am certain that it will happen again) I am more than willing to fight this time.
I, myself, have lost a distant relative but I do not hold as much weight as many of my friends do. I care for them and for now, I am driven by the intent to protect my friends, my comrades, and my village.
That is my shinobi way.
( For Jakk Only ) |
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